I remember the first time I went to pray at the abortion clinic here in Calgary. It was scary. My heart pounded anxiously as I approached and I could feel my palms starting to sweat......as they always do when I get nervous. It was probably one of the most sobering moments of my life. Why is it that standing there....across the street from that building.....the building that is a hiding place for destruction and death....the building that protects people from being exposed.....that hides their sin.....their acts of barbaric behavior.......why is it that standing there causes a thousand emotions to well up in my heart. Pain. Anger. Sadness. Turmoil. Confusion.
Today, I stood there once again. It's not scary anymore. My heart doesn't pound. My palms don't sweat. But I still feel pain and sadness. I still feel anger and turmoil. I still feel the same heaviness that I felt the very first time I went. No. That's not even true. I don't feel the same heaviness. I feel a heavier heaviness. The burden increases. It's more pressing. More painful. More persistent.
Today, I had the strongest urge to do what Nehemiah did when he was in great distress over the destruction of Jerusalem. I wanted to tear my clothes, fall to my knees and beg God for the lives being killed.....the tiny helpless babies. I wanted to beg God to soften the hearts.....of the mamas, the papas....the doctors, the nurses. I want people to think about what they're really doing. I want them to know that just because they can't see the evil they're doing doesn't mean it's not evil. Doesn't mean it's not a horrible cruel way to treat your child.
I prayed alongside a woman who shared her story with me. She told me when she was younger she was a nurse and one night when she was on duty she was called in to dispose of the baby that had been aborted. She told me this happened a long, long time ago but she still remembers seeing that tiny dead baby. She said that is why she goes and prays at the abortion clinic. Because she has seen the truth. She has seen the evidence that proves pro-choice is wrong. It's not just a fetus. It's not just tissue. It's two little legs, it's a tiny head with eyes and a mouth, it's a body with a heart that was beating, it's tiny bitty fingers and pinprick size toes. It's real. He's real. She's real. A human being.
I have to be completely honest. There is a part of me that wishes I'd never gotten involved. It's heavy stuff. It weighs on me night and day. It's hard. It really is hard.
It makes me think about the ten Boom family. How many countless Jews did they hide from the Nazis. I wonder how heavy that was on their family? I wonder if they sometimes thought....."I wish I'd just left this alone. I wish I'd never gotten involved." Or did they believe that no matter how heavy it was they had freedom.....knowing they were doing what was right. They were taking a stand against evil....even at great, great risk. They had no guarantees that it would go well for them if they acted on their belief that all life is precious. Yet they persisted...... and were tortured brutally and even killed because of it.
The ten Boom family inspires me. If they can endure torture, suffering, pain and even death for the sake of doing what is right.....can't I endure this weight of heaviness?? Can't I continue to take a stand against killing the innocent?
Father.
I need Thee....O, I need Thee......
Every hour I need Thee.
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