My son's life transpired just as the doctor said it would. Our little Puppy (as we lovingly called him) didn't reach his fourth birthday. But the doctor failed to mention that my handicapped son would teach me more than any other person every had or ever would. The doctor forgot to tell me that God would use my son to set me free. To bring me joy unspeakable. To show me a peace deeper than anything I ever imagined possible. That morning....at my son's bedside, the doctor didn't tell me that God would use the life of my broken boy to open the gates of heaven and allow me to glimpse His beauty...that I would be brought low and lifted up....that I would be broken, healed, transformed....all through the life of my son. Somehow, the doctor forgot to mention that part.
Someday, I would like the chance to tell him. I would like to sit down with that doctor and share my story. I would like to explain what I learned....that life is sacred. All life. I would like him to know that I serve a God who can take what we believe to be worthless.....and use it to bring good into this world.
This is my passion. I want women to know this truth. I want them to know that the baby they carry is made in God's own image and that God has a plan to use that child for good. I want them to know that it won't always be easy but God can take the most difficult thing in my life and bring beauty from it. Incredible beauty. I want them to know that there IS another way. They don't have to choose death. They can choose life. I would like them to know that what they believe is the worst thing that could ever happen in their life could end up being the best thing to ever happen.
There were many times during my son's life when I could not handle what was given to me. I would like women to know that it's okay to be weak and unable......because it's in those situations where I can't handle life that I see God come through in ways I never imagined possible. It's through those extremely painful times....when I am broken and brought to the end of myself....that I am open to seeing my Heavenly Father and the miracle He longs to perform in my heart.
I cannot even begin to imagine who I would be if I had aborted my son. I cringe to think of the beauty I would have missed. I cringe to think of the bondage I would still be under. I thank my Father for giving me a tiny handicapped boy....so I might learn how to fully live.
|Fawne spreading truth...|
My first time at the clinic was a heart shattering experience. To stand on the sidewalk....across the street from the clinic and know....that life was being taken...right then....right there. It was sobering and heartbreaking.
I have since gone as much as I can.....although not nearly as much as I would like. I watch women walk through the door and I wonder....how many of them are there because their doctor noticed on an ultra sound screen.....an abnormality with their baby. I long to talk to them. I long to shout across the street and tell them what I've learned. That having a "broken baby" isn't a bad thing. Hard, yes....but incredible. Would I give up the miracle simply to avoid the pain?? Never. The miracle was too wonderful. Too incredible.
If only those women would give me a chance....I would tell them the truth. I would tell them about true love.
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