Friday, October 12, 2012

Day 17 - another vigil

by Alison

It never fails. As I drive to vigil I listen to the chatter of my girls in the back seat laughing, singing. Yet as soon as I catch sight of the gas station on the corner of 5th my inner calm is gone. My stomach swarms with butterflies. I don't want to come here. I don't. Yet I am drawn back time and time again. My Father has called, and for reasons beyond my knowledge He has chosen to use me here. The vigil is a roller coaster for me. Some days I am cheerfully greeted by others praying before me, and join them in prayer. Other days I stand on the corner or stroll the sidewalk with Him praying my rosary. These days I can feel peace on "our" side of the street. I can almost see the angels standing along the path. And then there are the days that tire me. The days I feel sick to my stomach the entire time I vigil. I feel an emptiness and almost ache as if it were my womb ... I literally shake each time I see a momma leave. The heavy feeling of death lingers. Tears that I will not to - fall regardless. I am surrounded by a desperate sense of sorrow. These are the times I cannot pray, so I let Him take over and trust that the Holy Spirit knows the words to use. These days I feel broken and don't want to return. But He meets me here and he is calling. What else can I do but come?

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