Day 39 - this is the kensington clinic

This... is the Kensington Clinic. 
& as these 40 days count themselves to their end, this is the view that has been imprinted on my mind, in my heart, in my prayers. 
We stood on the street corner... (it's getting colder here in Calgary), and i was glad i ran back to get my scarf before coming.  It was quieter than it usually is for a Wednesday afternoon.  There was less bustle, less coming and going...
My friend Alissa had created a new sign - (it's a link to a website that is educational - but graphic, so go there knowing that it is not something that a prolifer necessarily needs to see.)   She also brought a picture she painted in university - of a tiny baby in utero... and i had my trusty, blue, faded message... "you are loved..." 
Together, this trio of offerings garnered many curious looks as we stood in the cold praying and talking across from the abortion clinic. 
A truck slowed as it passed us, and i could see a woman in the front seat - her lips moving as she read our signs.  They circled around and pulled up to the curb next to us... Nervously, i approached their window. i was prepared for whatever might come, because i believe so deeply in what we're doing, and i know that even the harsh conversations often bring about the seeds of doubt that flower into a change of heart... 
"What's this all about?" They asked mildly.
"We're here praying for an end to abortion." i responded.
"Well..." The man said slowly, "That would be a good thing..."
"Can we come pray too?" The woman asked. 
i was startled by their response and invited them to come.  One of my friends, needing to leave anyway, left the sidewalk so that we wouldn't break the 'no more than 4 people on the sidewalk' rule, and we got the chance to talk some more before we had to leave to get home to little ones, dinner, violin lessons...
They had both seen the devastation of abortion in friends and family; the affects both physical and psychological.  They both agreed fervently that the killing needs to come to an end, and that prayer is a powerful tool to bring that about. 
As Alissa & i drove away, we left them on the sidewalk... heads bowed in prayer... and i laughed to God that i had expected anger when that truck pulled over, but instead was witnessing two unexpected blessings.  They had stopped what they were doing, where they were going - and pulled over on a busy street to climb out in the cold, and cry out to a compassionate God for the sake of the unborn. 

i made this little movie to celebrate all that has been accomplished worldwide in the past 40 days of prayer, fasting and community outreach. i hope we can use this teeny clip - to inspire others to join us on our knees as we plead with God to change our nation.  Feel free to share it, to bring it to your church group or prolife friends.
Prayer changes everything...

Day 31 - working together

i heaved a sigh as the police van rolled around the corner again...
This was not what i had expected when i arranged to take my friend to the vigil for the first time.  The park was packed - we were as close to capacity as i have ever witnessed. 
i tried to gently remind those gathered of the various rules of the court injunction, "We're not allowed to walk on the park side of the fence, we're not allowed to have signs in the park, we need to be beyond the power poles...."  but to no avail... i was assured that they were not with 40 Days for Life & that they were prepared to take whatever repercussions came.  & as much as i agreed with them - that the rules were too constrictive, unfair to families, and at some points just plain silly - i longed for them to understand our reasons for compliance... in this 40 days - as we focus on peace and prayer. 
There are so many hearts... so many believers, who are saddened by the gravity of this darkness - ashamed by the lack of justice that our country has shown, and passionate about the families being shattered by this great evil...
Today showed me a glimpse of these hearts. 
Then Caroline arrived - and being the wise, loving presence that she is, she was able to communicate what i couldn't - and make sure that our goal of peacefully acting in accordance with the bubble zone restrictions was kept. 
& i became convinced today... that maybe sometimes amidst the great struggle we are in... we lose sight - for just a moment - that we need to have the ability to work together. 

The pastor at the church i go to loves that scripture from Micah 6 that says;
⁸ He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.
   And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
   and to walk humbly with your God.

He loves to quote it when talking about the work that God would have us do... & i think it's the last line that resonates with me the most - now that i'm home, away from the crowd, the signs, the police...

If you're timid & afraid... if you're not a fan of confrontation (i'm sure not)... if you approach prolife with fear and trembling - understanding that something must be done & yet being as yet unsure what that something is? 
We need you. 
We need you to pray - we need your peaceful presence.  We need compassionate, loving, humble believers... Every member of the body has a function - & we can all be useful in communicating truth.  We need to see the intrinsic value in each limb - and work together to get traction. 

Oh, Great God... i want to walk humbly with you.  Strip away the pride that wants to consume - give me a love of mercy & give me the courage to act justly... but most of all - in humility... let me serve You.

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HERE is an article i posted on the facebook page - & a little disclaimer - i don't know anything about the rest of the website, but this piece was fantastic.  It is kind of a long read, but the article itself was incredibly helpful for me to better understand why we are failing in Canada to make any progress with the injustice of abortion. i have often felt that laws that "save some" are a compromise we can't make, but i think this article makes some valuable points & i find myself changing my mind....

Day 27 - baby makes 5

i forget to sign up for the vigil yet again. 
(see vigil schedule HERE)
We arrive and see two women.  They're carrying a sing that reads: "It stops a beating heart". 

When Harold arrives, we make 5.  We hear that there has already been trouble earlier on in the day because 4 adults were accompanied by a tiny baby - and baby made 5. The police were called and the people who had come to pray, realizing the error, moved into the field (where we are allowed to pray if the sidewalk already has 4 people on it). 

i pass my sign on to my friend (we are not allowed to carry signs in the park), and make my way across the green grass to pass the power poles that mark the line we are not allowed to cross. 

So many rules. 

This is the view from the power poles in the park.  God is not bound by a court injunction - and He hears me - whether i am on the street corner, or in a field where no one can see me. 

We juggle those coming and those going.  We try to be careful - to respect the injunction that prevents us from speaking out.   When we are down to four again, i stand on the sidewalk...  i pray aloud... After all these months, i find i am no longer self-conscious of pedestrians and people watching - i look up at the blue-grey clouds and beg for this injustice to end. 
Silent again... bereft of words, my friend begins to pray. 

Her warm voice floats over the chill in the air and i look across the street to the couple standing at the door.  If they look at me, i promise myself, i will wave my sign in the air, O God, let them see me and know my heart.  A car drives past and the driver holds his middle finger out the window and glares at me.  My eyes flit back to the couple standing and stamping their feet in the cold at that door.  Still my friend, eyes closed, continues to petition the Father.  The door must be coded - and finally it opens to let in the tiny family that never once turns their heads in my direction - and the door closes behind them.

Day 25 - teach me

We got to the vigil in the afternoon... i brought some girls to play at the park, and i brought my heart, heavy with questions to that street corner where i have learned that He is faithful to meet with me. 
i ache for all involved.  For that poor man i saw carrying garbage bags from the back of the facility, for the taxi drivers who come to pick up those women who have come here alone, for the ones who stepped out in faith to organize a vigil in our city - and sustain negativity from without - and even from within. 
Oh, Father - i'm so weak and ignorant.  i have so much to learn.  It's bigger than i thought it was, and the battle - that wages not against flesh and blood - is so much more sophisticated than this 35 year old stay at home mom. 
My understanding comes so slowly.  Teach me, teach me, teach me...
i get home, and i hide in my husband's office.  i bow my head and let the tears fall. 
In my honesty, i look at the ugliness that abounds, and give words to the things that try to make me run. 
i want to be liked.  But what i have to say... it's so hard to hear.  There will be persecution for speaking truth. 
i'm so ignorant.  But i refuse to stay there.  i want to learn, i want to grow - and i'm willing to do whatever it takes to hear His voice. 
i'm such a coward.  But now that i see it, i can't hide behind it any longer.  God is faithful - and He will help me to obey, even when my flesh wants to shush truth - He'll help me proclaim it. 
My husband looks at me questioningly. 
"i'm so tired, babe..." i say wiping the tears from my eyes. 
"But it's not over."

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There has been an interesting conversation taking place in the comments section of yesterday's post.  Well worth reading through.  You can do that HERE.
We started a facebook page for those interested in following along that way - there will be daily updates and encouragement.  We could use as many 'likes' and 'shares' as we can get.  Would you consider passing it along to your Christian friends?  You can access it through the facebook link in the sidebar or by clicking HERE. 

Day 19 - Again on a Friday

It was late morning on a Friday when we arrived. We had both been so busy, we forgot to check the vigil schedule - so were pleasantly surprised when we arrived to see a man walking up and down the sidewalk. As we approached him, i recognized him from one of our organizational meetings... Harold has been involved in prolife work since "around 1973".  It's interesting the different perspectives that are represented by those of us wearing out that chilly concrete sidewalk opposite that clinic in Kensington. 

i also had the pleasure of meeting Alissa for the first time.  This sweet mama had a friend caring for her little daughter in the adjacent park so that she could come and walk and pray because, as she said, "This is such an important heart-wrenching issue". 

i love her sign, because of an article i read the other day where it was stated that when undecided mama's see or hear their baby's heartbeat, 78% of them choose to give that little one life. 
Of course Caroline showed up at one point too... so for my first time this fall, we found ourselves at our maximum number of 4...
But... even amidst speaking with others, and the distraction of my grumbling tummy and the bitter chill in the air... as i approached that corner where we can best see that steel door... my heart sobered.  We watched those women... and their men often with them.  It would be impossible to forget *why* we're here... what's happening... what we're praying for. 
We cried out brokenly to the King for wisdom in this season when we ache for change.

Day 18 - praying with strangers

A stranger with a familiar name emailed, expressing interest in attending the vigil at the abortion clinic in Kensington.
Nervously, i said i'd pick her up in the Silver Fox (our pet name for our 12 passenger van) and we'd go together... Her family is new to the city - still getting settled, not even in their own home yet - & here she was - ready to dig in & plant her feet behind what she believed in.



Juanita and Caroline



We talked and we prayed - talked again... & then stood in silence - praying and thinking our own prayers and thoughts as we stood looking across the street at that unobtrusive building... We watched taxi drivers pick up the women who had come alone.  We watched mothers enter with their daughters, and men with their girlfriends or wives.  i was reminded how in labour, i begged Neil to advocate for me because, i said, "it's too hard for a woman to advocate for herself in labour... we need someone to speak for us when we are so vulnerable and weak..."
i couldn't help but feel that these women were too vulnerable to be making this horrifying decision - they needed those around them who loved them - to help them to choose better... in their fear and hurt.  But instead, they were being shepherded into a building that brought death - and their decision so quickly made in a matter of days or weeks - would last forever. 
Of course Caroline was there too - and so i grabbed a couple of pictures of them together so i could show you... what it looks like to join this vigil and pray for an end to abortion in our city. 
Does it look like something you could do? 
i realized as we finished our hour and i asked her if we could say the Lord's Prayer together - that she's not a stranger after all... She's sister to me - a daughter of the King... and we can come before Him together to make our plea - and there is a strength that is drawn as we join together and ask for something that we know is good and right...

Father, in Calgary Alberta - bring an end to the horror of abortion...

Day 11 - lost keys, pouring rain and dirty toilets...

One of the dedicated organizers for Calgary's 40 Days for Life -
Taking her turn praying in the pouring rain...

Sometimes it would almost make you throw up your hands in despair to try to make it to that busy sidewalk to pray. 
There's company to prepare for, it's pouring rain, there are children who desperately... *only*... want mama. 
But you force yourself to step outside the house that you so rarely leave in these busy child focused days - and sneak off with a friend to find an hour to pray. 
There's traffic on those wet crowded roads... and when you finally arrive - there are lost keys, buzzing phones and dirty looks. 
It's no wonder we so often close our eyes to pray - to make every effort to take our eyes off of the temporary - and for one hour - to focus on the eternal. 
We pulled around the corner onto the street where the Kensington Clinic sits - and we both cried out - "There's someone there!"
She can't possibly know how here very presence buoyed us.  She can't imagine how her faithfulness inspired. 
She had just been yelled at - as she stood dripping wet on the sidewalk - a lone figure, praying for those in crisis.  She was carefully averting her eyes from the 2 figures fast approaching lest we bring more abuse... but when we got close enough, we recognized each other and laughingly made introductions. 
There are so many, many hindrances, aren't there?
These hindrances added to our general unease over praying in public, our discomfort at the idea that we're "making a scene", or our sensitive hearts worrying that we'll hurt people loved by God rather than helping anything or anyone... it makes it almost impossible to imagine a 40 day prayer vigil outside of the city's bustling abortion clinic.
Almost impossible. 
But with our God... nothing is impossible... and i'm not willing to quit. Mother Teresa is famously quoted as saying, "i don't pray for success, i pray for faithfulness".  & so i'll come home wet, to a crazed messy house... i'll show up late, or frazzled or hurting & broken... but i'm convinced that the hours dedicated to prayer are not wasted.
God, make me faithful...

Day 8 - loved

Not everyone brings a sign when they pray.
i made this one last spring, because there is a court injunction that states we aren't allowed to speak to people unless spoken to - and i felt that i wanted some way to communicate my heart to the hurting families filling that parking lot to overflowing day in and day out. 
The reverse says, "Life is a Gift".
It was a chilly wet day yesterday... and there were no people praying on the sidewalks when i arrived at noon.  i grabbed my sign and my keys and made my way to the corner - holding up the side brightly coloured by my little ones for the world to see. 
i wasn't there long when i saw him.  He wasn't much younger than Neil... similar build, but with shaggy blond hair.  He must have been waiting in his car when i got there, because i didn't see him among the other fathers waiting, pacing outside that steel clinic door.  He shoved his hands in the pockets of his black down filled vest, and strode anxiously closer to the door.  After a few minutes, it opened and a pretty girl walked out.  Her shoulders drooped with sadness - and when they made it into each others arms, he scooped her face in his hands and she reached up... up... up... just like i have to do with my love, to put her arms around his neck. 
Despair. 
They stood there - oblivious to the chubby man smoking a cigarette by his red mini van as he waited in that parking lot.  She cried, and he whispered in her ear...
'Oh, Father' - i wept aloud... 'There's another way... Can't we tell them there's another way?  Why don't they know that there is another way?"
Arms draped one around the other, they made their way to their vehicle - and pulled out of that place that brings death - and onto a highway where their vehicle wasn't distinguishable from any other - their loss less obvious.  Their pain would now be a shameful secret that they would carry - conflicted by the very presence of their agony in a culture that condones murder. 
i held my sign high... i wanted her to see... to remember... i could see her pale face looking out the passenger side window as the car sped away...
And the clinic door continues to open and close.

Day 4 - kensington clinic calgary

i didn't make it to the kensington clinic until late in the afternoon. When i got there, the last cars were pulling out of the parking lot. The Canadian flag fluttered in the breeze beside me as i stood on the grass to pray.
At 5pm, a man brought out the garbage bags, and others closed the heavy gate that blocks the parking lot.
And as that building closed it's doors for the day... nurses drove home, business completed, jobs accomplished...
i stood on the street corner and prayed... that i would see the day that they would never open again.